Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Cheeeeeeeese
DMV : Help Wanted
Job Requirements : Must have a pulse.
Maybe Mellow can get some help from these guys.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Return at your own Risk
I would rather give myself a colonoscopy with a fistful of Legosthan return a gift on 12/26.
Happy Holidays from Instant Jury! Its not very often we get to enjoy a holiday on the front end of a weekend so fill the cooler with beer, stay in your pj's til dinnertime and for god sake people, stay out of the freakin' mall. That place will be flooded with H.B.'s (Human Beings.)
We're looking forward to hearing all of your holiday arguments and we promise we won't make you tender a gift receipt.
We're looking forward to hearing all of your holiday arguments and we promise we won't make you tender a gift receipt.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
This is kinda neat...
This guy does some cool things with regular objects. Check it out. (Is it weird that the beans look really good?)Instant Jury Defendants of the Week.
Each of these defendants will receive a generous prize of zero dollars and zero cents.
Click here to see the full list of mugshots.
The Virtual Den of 1984
"Nothing says 'Cool-White-Dad' like a real big lolli."Take a trip back to the 80's with this website designed to look like your cool friend Wally's basement. Change the channel and watch an episode of The Facts of Life, Perfect Strangers or The California Raisin's Christmas Special (Shows change randomly throughout the day.) Turn the volume up too. This way you wont hear me upstairs bangin' Wally's mom: http://betamaxmas.com/
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Everyone Loves a Good Star Wars Joke
Some of my best Christmas mornings were the ones where I got some hot Star Wars toys. I think I may have pooped myself a little when I opened up the Millenium Falcon and realized that I now owned the fastest ship in the galaxy (made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs!) And so it is that Star Wars still makes me feel like a kid. I enjoyed finding this collection of funny Star Wars Tees...just in time for Christmas: Star Wars TeesSaturday, December 19, 2009
15 Things You Should Know About Coffee
As the Holidays are among us and we share the warm embrace of kith and kin, we sometimes need our old friend Joe to give us a pick me up before making one last stop at Aunt Gertrude's. Here are some fun facts about our pick me up pal: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/coffee
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A list of people I want to sue:
- Mothers who let their children push the very stroller they should be riding in.
- Women in heels walking slowly down a subway stairwell while the train is in the station.
- The person from the Stella Artois Beer plant who decided to put the little paper wrapper around the top of the bottle.
- The person who created the Geico googly-eyes commercial.
- The guy who brings his girlfriend to poker night. (but ok if she is in a bikini and serves beer)
- People who talk about the weather in a crowded elevator.
- This knot in my back
- New parents who throw Jack and Jill baby showers.
- The small rhinoceros that runs circles in my head after a night of drinking.
- Ron Jaworski
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The Box
Listen up Jurors! Take a break from the courtroom madness and check out the new Richard Kelly Film, The Box, opening this weekend. The movie stars Frank Langella, Cameron Diaz, James Mardsen and Instant Jury's own, Ryan Woodle (the guy from the How to Video on the home page!)Support our fellow juror and do your civic duty by going to the movies this weekend and saluting his silver screen appearance.
-The Judge
Monday, October 19, 2009
Instant Jury Summons Jon and Kate to the Court of Public Opinion
NEW YORK, October 19 – Instant Jury (www.InstantJury.com), the premier site for dispute resolution, is calling out Jon and Kate Gosselin, the stars of the TLC reality show, Jon and Kate plus 8, to air their arguments live on their website. The site, also known as the court of public opinion, serves as a virtual courtroom for anonymous users who wish to have arguments settled by a jury of their peers.
Brett Reilly, owner of Instant Jury, explains why: “These individuals are arguing through media channels that often distort their side of the story through editing,” he says. “Instant Jury will give them a chance to say their piece directly to the public with no media interference. This way the public can chose a side once and for all.”
Instant Jury has rendered verdicts for over one thousand cases posted by anonymous users serving as plaintiffs and defendants. Topics range from roommate tiffs to property disputes. A jury of users signs on to each case and decides the outcome by a majority vote.
Brett adds, “ The legal fees these two are incurring are incredible. Jon’s lawyer accompanies him on every television show. Leave the lawyers in the office for the serious issues and try to win the public’s acceptance at our site for free.”
About Instant Jury:
You never know what’s going to happen at Instant Jury. The site draws users in the middle of disagreements – from friendly to ferocious – to decide who’s actually right and who’s dead wrong. Cases are decided upon by a team of jurors who log on to vote on which side has the better argument. A simple majority decides the outcome of each case. People who don’t have a bone to pick can become members of juries. There are even “stakes” that can be agreed upon by each party. The beauty of the site is that cases can range from roommate disputes to serious issues between couples. And the outcomes of these cases are anything but ordinary. Instant Jury launched in March of 2009 and has a rapidly growing user base of 1500+ registered jurors.
Brett Reilly, owner of Instant Jury, explains why: “These individuals are arguing through media channels that often distort their side of the story through editing,” he says. “Instant Jury will give them a chance to say their piece directly to the public with no media interference. This way the public can chose a side once and for all.”
Instant Jury has rendered verdicts for over one thousand cases posted by anonymous users serving as plaintiffs and defendants. Topics range from roommate tiffs to property disputes. A jury of users signs on to each case and decides the outcome by a majority vote.
Brett adds, “ The legal fees these two are incurring are incredible. Jon’s lawyer accompanies him on every television show. Leave the lawyers in the office for the serious issues and try to win the public’s acceptance at our site for free.”
About Instant Jury:
You never know what’s going to happen at Instant Jury. The site draws users in the middle of disagreements – from friendly to ferocious – to decide who’s actually right and who’s dead wrong. Cases are decided upon by a team of jurors who log on to vote on which side has the better argument. A simple majority decides the outcome of each case. People who don’t have a bone to pick can become members of juries. There are even “stakes” that can be agreed upon by each party. The beauty of the site is that cases can range from roommate disputes to serious issues between couples. And the outcomes of these cases are anything but ordinary. Instant Jury launched in March of 2009 and has a rapidly growing user base of 1500+ registered jurors.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Jurors of the Week
Here are the jurors of the week for week ending 10/10:
Buc
Senor_Perfecto
Law Space
Xanju
llyonais
The Baz
If your username is mentioned anywhere on this post, send an email to brett [at] instantjury [dot] com to claim your Instant Jury Squeezy gavel!
Buc
Senor_Perfecto
Law Space
Xanju
llyonais
The Baz
If your username is mentioned anywhere on this post, send an email to brett [at] instantjury [dot] com to claim your Instant Jury Squeezy gavel!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Where's the Judge?
You may have noticed that Judge Hugh D. Cyde has disappeared from the site. Where did he go? As Instant Jury grew bigger, we were constantly asked by our new members " Why is Wilford Brimley your mascot?
Well, we didnt really want any legal trouble from ol' Wilford by infringing upon his image so we decided to create a new look for the Judge! And, we want your help!
Send us your sketches, photoshops, quarks, clay sculptures and Light Brite renderings for consideration to brett [at] instantjury [dot] com. Be sure to include your username.
All submissions will receive:
* by submitting your art to Instant Jury you hereby grant to Instant Jury a worldwide, royalty-free, sublicensable, perpetual and irrevocable right and license to use, reproduce, distribute, perform, prepare derivative works from and display such Member Submissions on the Site and in promotional materials and to provide the Services.
You represent and warrant that you own or have the necessary licenses, rights, consents and permissions to grant the foregoing licenses to Instant Jury. Instant Jury will own all rights, title and interest in and to all derivative works and compilations of Member Submissions that are created by Instant Jury ("Derivative Works"), including all worldwide intellectual property rights therein.
Well, we didnt really want any legal trouble from ol' Wilford by infringing upon his image so we decided to create a new look for the Judge! And, we want your help!
Send us your sketches, photoshops, quarks, clay sculptures and Light Brite renderings for consideration to brett [at] instantjury [dot] com. Be sure to include your username.
All submissions will receive:
- 100 jury credits
- Instant Jury squeeze gavel
* by submitting your art to Instant Jury you hereby grant to Instant Jury a worldwide, royalty-free, sublicensable, perpetual and irrevocable right and license to use, reproduce, distribute, perform, prepare derivative works from and display such Member Submissions on the Site and in promotional materials and to provide the Services.
You represent and warrant that you own or have the necessary licenses, rights, consents and permissions to grant the foregoing licenses to Instant Jury. Instant Jury will own all rights, title and interest in and to all derivative works and compilations of Member Submissions that are created by Instant Jury ("Derivative Works"), including all worldwide intellectual property rights therein.
Monday, September 28, 2009
New Spinoff Site Idea: Invest Now!
After leaving my tv remote all the way on the other side of the couch, I lost control of my viewing choice from 6:30 to 7PM. The nightly news slyly rolled into the show TMZ. Amid all the senseless news bits about celebrities looking terrible, I was able to create a new novelty idea; InstantDivorce.com! Our first users could be Fred Durst and his wife of 3 months (done) or Chloe Kar-douche-ian and Lamar Odom who are sure to be splitting ways soon.
These two knew each other for exactly one whole month before getting engaged. Not even. (30 days has September, April, June and November) Yeah, so they are a few days short. The case would start like this :
Chloe: Plaintiff: I don't know how I failed to see that this wouldnt work. I mean, like, we had so much in common. We're both 7 feet tall, wear XL Fruit of the Looms, hail from the Amazon rain forest and both have taken a back door pass from Kobe Bryant. But then I woke up one morning and was like, whoa, you're like only an athlete and are not really that famous for anything. I can't handle it anymore. I want to be the only one in my family that wears a size 14 shoe.
Lamar: Defendant: But we're in love. I even got a big gol' chain that says your name on it and I cant return it. Please baby, dont leave me now. I didnt even get a chance to race Bruce Jenner around the house at the family bbq. Tell you what...let's arm wrestle for it.
...and then the likes of Kamel, Syncitystar, Old Hag, Mermowtimi and RunswithScissors get to vote on how they divide up their assets. If only it were that easy!
Well, maybe it will never happen but at least we can have some fun deciding on dirty deeds in the parents house, emails vs landlines, and what to do in San Diego.
Oh yeah... we were featured as the Cool Site of the Day on www.AskMen.com this week! The IJ buzz continues!!!
Jury Honor Roll from week of 9/21:
These two knew each other for exactly one whole month before getting engaged. Not even. (30 days has September, April, June and November) Yeah, so they are a few days short. The case would start like this :Chloe: Plaintiff: I don't know how I failed to see that this wouldnt work. I mean, like, we had so much in common. We're both 7 feet tall, wear XL Fruit of the Looms, hail from the Amazon rain forest and both have taken a back door pass from Kobe Bryant. But then I woke up one morning and was like, whoa, you're like only an athlete and are not really that famous for anything. I can't handle it anymore. I want to be the only one in my family that wears a size 14 shoe.
Lamar: Defendant: But we're in love. I even got a big gol' chain that says your name on it and I cant return it. Please baby, dont leave me now. I didnt even get a chance to race Bruce Jenner around the house at the family bbq. Tell you what...let's arm wrestle for it.
...and then the likes of Kamel, Syncitystar, Old Hag, Mermowtimi and RunswithScissors get to vote on how they divide up their assets. If only it were that easy!
Well, maybe it will never happen but at least we can have some fun deciding on dirty deeds in the parents house, emails vs landlines, and what to do in San Diego.
Oh yeah... we were featured as the Cool Site of the Day on www.AskMen.com this week! The IJ buzz continues!!!
Jury Honor Roll from week of 9/21:
- Mingo
- Jimmy Wang
- Old Hag
- rrh0tm0ney
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
If only Nelson Mandela were here...
All the world leaders and world dictators descend on New York City this week for the Mideast Peace Talks (is that an oxmoron?) I say we send out Instant Jury summons to Khadafy and Ahmadinejad to let Evil Penguin and Wrench Doozer serve 'em some justice!
And how does Donald Trump manage to get his name in the news? Unless Rosie O'Donnell moved to Kuwait (due to her penchant for camel steak), he should go pitch a tent in a little place called No-one-really-effing-cares-about-you-ville. What a mess!
Not to mention, I have to fight East Side gridlocks, unemployed protesters (this is an assumption but who has time to protest with a day job?), orange, no yellow, no orange, no, no yellow terror alert levels, and the usual Lexington Ave vagrants just to get to my chambers. But, at least we have some great cases this week! Broken Beer Mugs, Dangerous Games and Serious Issues await rulings from YOU, the INSTANT JURY.
Oh, Nelson...if only everyone could see things your way.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
TRIPLE Credits: How to get on the Grand Jury Quick
Trying to make the Grand Jury but can't seem to crack the top 10? Now is your chance to earn TRIPLE the jury credits. Any user participating in steps one, two and four below will receive TRIPLE the point value through 11/1/09. Just to make it fair for those users who have already friended and loved us: refer a friend and have them leave your IJ username along with theirs and we'll give you the difference in points!
The race is still on for the first juror to 1000 jury credits! Big prizes and big titles abound.
Ongoing ways to earn points:
1)Friending - Add us as a friend and post a comment with your IJ username (or reference your IJ username if you already registered under another name on one or all of the sites below and earn 10 jury credits per site x 3 = 30 JURY CREDITS THROUGH 11/1/09
Twitter
Facebook
Myspace
Blogspot
2)Loving - Give us a thumb's up, digg us, and write a quick positive review of Instant Jury using your IJ username ( or just sign the review using your IJ username if you are already registered under another name) on one or all of the sites below and receive 15 jury credits per review x 3 = 45 JURY CREDITS THROUGH 11/1/09
Stumbleupon
Neatorama
Buzzagent
Current
Digg
Ebaumsworld
Youtube
Send an email to Steve [at] instantjury [dot] com with your username and the sites you posted on. Once we verify your claim, your points will be awarded!
3) Serving - You can always earn points each day by serving as a juror on cases. Jury duty earns 1 jury credit per case.
4) Suing- Earn 5 jury credits by serving as the plaintiff or defendant on any case. Limit one case at a time (you must have a verdict rendered on one case before receiving credit for starting another.) 15 JURY CREDITS THROUGH 11/1/09
The race is still on for the first juror to 1000 jury credits! Big prizes and big titles abound.
Ongoing ways to earn points:
1)Friending - Add us as a friend and post a comment with your IJ username (or reference your IJ username if you already registered under another name on one or all of the sites below and earn 10 jury credits per site x 3 = 30 JURY CREDITS THROUGH 11/1/09
Myspace
Blogspot
2)Loving - Give us a thumb's up, digg us, and write a quick positive review of Instant Jury using your IJ username ( or just sign the review using your IJ username if you are already registered under another name) on one or all of the sites below and receive 15 jury credits per review x 3 = 45 JURY CREDITS THROUGH 11/1/09
Stumbleupon
Neatorama
Buzzagent
Current
Digg
Ebaumsworld
Youtube
Send an email to Steve [at] instantjury [dot] com with your username and the sites you posted on. Once we verify your claim, your points will be awarded!
3) Serving - You can always earn points each day by serving as a juror on cases. Jury duty earns 1 jury credit per case.
4) Suing- Earn 5 jury credits by serving as the plaintiff or defendant on any case. Limit one case at a time (you must have a verdict rendered on one case before receiving credit for starting another.) 15 JURY CREDITS THROUGH 11/1/09
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